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Below are the 5 most recent journal entries recorded in Justinian Devil's LiveJournal:

Monday, February 3rd, 2003
6:44 am
Returning "home"
Got back from Eretz Yisrael yesterday. Too much to encapsulate in words. I feel torn by conflicting desires, conflicting viewpoints. Also feel that the process of self-realization and shift in priorities that began with my car accident May 2002 has continued.

The most important thing I will take back with me from Israel is an appreciation of the people I met there. They are committed, generally open-minded and regardless of their reasons for being there or political stances, truly an inspiration.

I find myself struggling to define a reality that exists independent of religious beliefs and religious texts, a certain humanism and respect for basic rights. Did I become more of an idealist through this trip? It's probably just a temporary bump, but these are questions that haunt me.

A friend once said that the different peoples of the earth are simply not meant to live together and that Arabs are, by default, the enemy of any Jew. This is a very troubling and bleak view, if accepted at face value. Reading "Living History" by Chaim Herzog reinforces my understanding of how complex the power game in the Arab countries is.

So why has there not been a coup in countries like Egypt, Syria, and Lebanon and the "PLO State"? And would such a coup even be effective or bring about changes, in light of the overthrow of Ayatollah Khomeini in Iran?

The United States is not as secure or safe as many once believed, but my trip to Israel made me appreciate the economic opportunities and relative stability we have here.

Overall, I'm glad to be back and to have some time to absorb what I experienced.
Perhaps the stomach virus I'm getting over now is a metaphor for the purging of some of my deepest fears and concerns.

More later...

--Justin
Thursday, August 30th, 2001
12:37 am
Feeling glad to be at Cornell (for a change)
I feel like all summer long I was waiting to get to Cornell. There's so much opportunity accessible here in one place. You're not as dependent on connections or unknown factors as in the real world. Simply knocking on doors goes a long way. And you know you're going in the right direction when everything starts to seem circular... as if this whole world of Linux clustering is just one small community.

...Perhaps I'm just naive, but I'm floored by just how much the corporate influence pervades Cornell - I mean, the entire Theory Center is linked by an umbilical cord to Microsoft.

I've been trying to reduce negative and counterproductive thought processes and simply run head on into the problems or obstacles I have. Interestingly, this has brought the anger I have into closer focus. Alot of things I am angry at are things in the past, anger which i didn't recognize and act on at the time. This is already changing.

This is kinda random, but I found out that a real Justinian Devil may exist. My nickname is a reference to the emperor Justinian the First.

In other news, I tried a spiked haricut, but it lasted all of 2 days. It's too time-consuming to maintain.

Love, Peace, and Afro Grease,
Justin

Current Mood: rejuvenated
Tuesday, August 21st, 2001
10:35 pm
Hobos past and present
This is a poem I heard on NPR today about a hobo. It reminded me of a couple of my friends, who went train hopping last summer. It also reminded of me "Dharma Bums" by
Jack Kerouac - a kickass book! Kerouac romanticized the hobo lifestyle- but alas, these times are far more perilous than the ones Kerouac lived in - I would strongly encourage y'all to stick to road trips, unlimited Greyhound passes, legal train rides or even hitchhiking and stay off those freight trains. Speaking of unlimited Greyhound passes, my brother was once distraught and carless and set off from NYC on a Greyhound with no particular destination. It was an epic journey and one that made me realize the kinship I have with him - we're both restless adventurers.

Softly By Tracks
By Buzz Potter

I stood by the main in the soft August rain
And watched as her headlight appeared
She crested the hill with a low moaning quill
Then proceeded through signals just cleared

[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<lj-cut="conclusion>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

This is a poem I heard on NPR today about a <a href="http://www.boxcarwillie.com/">hobo</a>. It reminded me of a couple of my friends, who went train hopping last summer. It also reminded of me "Dharma Bums" by
Jack Kerouac - a kickass book! Kerouac romanticized the hobo lifestyle- but alas, these times are far more perilous than the ones Kerouac lived in - I would strongly encourage y'all to stick to road trips, unlimited Greyhound passes, legal train rides or even hitchhiking and <a href="http://www.amplifiedintelligence.com/BuzzPotter.html">stay off those freight trains.</a> Speaking of unlimited Greyhound passes, my brother was once distraught and carless and set off from NYC on a Greyhound with no particular destination. It was an epic journey and one that made me realize the kinship I have with him - we're both restless adventurers.

Softly By Tracks
By Buzz Potter

I stood by the main in the soft August rain
And watched as her headlight appeared
She crested the hill with a low moaning quill
Then proceeded through signals just cleared

<lj-cut="conclusion of the hobo poem...">

And the clunk of the gear brought a soft welling tear
As I stood there alone in the night
And I felt once again that deep yearning yen
That all us old ramblers must fight

Then she whistled a name that sounded the same
As a lover I knew long ago
I'd met her out there in the clean prairie air
In the rising sun's soft warming glow

I'd seen her at night in a campfire's light
I'd heard her soft call on the plains
I'd tasted her love in the rain from above
And slept with her often on trains

And the romance we knew I often review
And I savor the fond memory
Of the sweet cunning way that she led me astray
As soft as a south wind at sea

I remember her now but I can't recall how
I lost her and she slipped away
She sometimes comes back when I stand by the track
Then she sings and I must look away

And the rivers and streams still carry my dreams
Out where the long freighters roll
And the memories gleam as the lone whistle scream
Still calls to my wandering soul

As the years roll on by, I still wonder why
I miss her and long for her so
And her name in the end was freedom, my friend
A lover that most never know

The train passes by and there's mist in my eye
And it's not from the soft falling rain
And I know I'll be back to this place by the track
To watch freedom go by on the train


Current Mood: tired, anxious
Sunday, August 19th, 2001
12:35 pm
Rebooting my system
While i'm not a big drinker at all (i mean, i enjoy good wines more than most of the other crap that passes for alcohol)... once in a blue moon i do get drunk with friends. And i've found it to be a wonderfully cleansing experience. I feel like I have a lot on my shoulders right now, responsibility-wise, and it was nice to just be spontaneous and carefree for a few moments.

One of my good friends referred to getting drunk as "rebooting my system." He's a computer geek like me, and often verges on talking like a robot when REALLY drunk. It's quite amusing.

Last night also included walking in a national wildlife refuge with a couple friends. It was
dark as hell - we weren't sure whether we were trespassing. We passed a sign that said "trail closed beyond this point" but by that point we were already at the end of the trail. The way i see it, they're my public lands and as long as I respect them, i don't see anything wrong with bending the rules a bit.

Love, Peace, and Afro Grease
--JMC
Saturday, August 18th, 2001
1:10 am
Hey d0oDz. I've seen some of my friends do this journal thing for a while and i'm
diggin' it, so here goes.

Right now, my feelings can best summed up as such:

"You haven't seen elephants, kings or Peru
To be honest I really don't caaaaarrrre...
I've seen what I choose and I've seen what I need
And that is enough
To want more would be greed"
--Bjork, "I've Seen It All" (From Dancer in the Dark)

"I've even sucked an old man's cock.
So what.
...Who cares about you, you, you, you, you, you."
--Metallica, "So What"

Now it's not that i don't care... far from it. I have become more of a solipsist with each day, am a cynical bastard and am approaching atheism to boot.. What does "approaching atheism" mean? You either are or you aren't, right? Well that's a subject for another entry.

What I do care about has been quite narrowed down. I'm not looking for "adventure" as I have been for the past long while, since I now have discovered what I want to achieve. It's a nice feeling... I can feel this energy broiling within my veins ready to be exploited. It's a nervous energy, the kind which keeps me on edge, always making sure i'm doing something productive. And if i'm not, which happens occasionally, I feel like shit.

I can't wait to get back to school... I can feel it - this year is gonna be awesome. Ain't
gonna be no time for pimpin' either.

--JMC

Current Mood: restless
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